so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
