I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
