FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
