my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
