what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
