i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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