just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
