And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
