You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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