so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize