i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
