i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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