I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Randomize
