No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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