Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
