i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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