Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
