You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Randomize
