we have officially mastered the walk of shame
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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