Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
