happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
