I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
