You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Randomize
