I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
