Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
