just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
