Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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