Non-Jews are for practice
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
