According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I checked into jail on foursquare
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
