youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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