the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
