three words: i give head
three words: not that well
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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