my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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