Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
