Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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