She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
