make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Randomize
