Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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