Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
