So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
