I puked a lego.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
