That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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