i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
