oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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