she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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