he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
