Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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