dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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