woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
