Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Randomize