best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
