I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
