I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Two words: blizzard sex
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
