You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
