oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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