Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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