need another drink. this is the easiest way
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize