I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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