you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
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