I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She bit a glass in half.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
