alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
They took my balls.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
