Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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