did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
