I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Randomize
