Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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