he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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