Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
