I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
