My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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