Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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