miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
